Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Randomize
