Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
