i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
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