I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
