Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
