Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Sorry my hands just texted you
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
