he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
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