She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
This is the high leading the old right now
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
