Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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