hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
