He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
