Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
