Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize