My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
she looked like the before picture.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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