remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
