The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
