Kiss
Puke
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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