he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
