you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Randomize
