Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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