Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
