I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Randomize
