fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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