dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
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