i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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