So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
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