things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Randomize