She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
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