Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Randomize
