bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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