i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
