im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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