I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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