Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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