Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
