either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
