I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
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