It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
