If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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