Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
