Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
