So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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