hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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