If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
