just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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