My room smells like vodka and shame
so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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