you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Randomize
