i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
