i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
