I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
Welp...herpes.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Randomize
