I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
