I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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