Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
