So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
