She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
