I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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