Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Alive.
So much puke
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
