I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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