Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
