Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
