Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
