if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
