i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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