the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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