I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
