I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Randomize
