Nicole vs. Life
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Still dying that you shit outside
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize