Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Randomize
