And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
