You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize
