i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
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