Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
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