I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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