Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I have surprise drugs for everyone
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
