That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
