you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
